Saturday, August 15, 2009

What Lies Beyond...

My parents are divorcing.

As a daughter I'm sad for the loss of home, even though I have a home of my own.

As a witness of the internal workings of the marriage, I'm relieved for both of them. Perhaps this is a chance for them to find peace and happiness.

As an employee of the corporation they own I'm smack dab in the middle of something I didn't choose, couldn't stop, and have to apologize for incessantly to employees and vendors and customers.

Along the way, I've finally been able to separate myself from the daughter I was to the person I'm becoming. For the first time in my life I've set and honored my own limits and boundaries. I've learned what it means to be independent. Finally. When I'm nearly 40.

My mother's antics, largely driven by her addictions, have humiliated and hurt me. The vicious lies she's told about things I've supposedly done, like stealing money from her and taking her things, are ludicrous. Her latest accusation is that I have a drug problem. Of course anyone who knows me realizes the drug problem I have is refusing to take them until I'm so sick I have no other option.

Dad is... dad. He has no patience for or understanding of this divorce process he never expected to have to understand or experience.

This week I completed the last of the work I need to do for CPAs and business evaluators in order for the divorce to proceed. With that massive task off my shoulders, I have the opportunity to be just an adult daughter with my own life.

My parents and their divorce will leave lasting scars on me just like their marriage did. The good news is that eventually they'll be divorced.

The bad news is mom will always be mom. I suspect she's not finished punishing me for what she sees as my defection. While I have no fear for the future -- after all today's worries are sufficient for today -- I do wonder what lies beyond...

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