I had dinner with a friend who is in the midst of a struggle for contentment. While we were talking, she exclaimed, "Do you have ANY friends who aren't struggling??"
The answer is no, I don't.
My husband and I have struggled, and we'll struggle again.
We struggle because we're both passionate and we both love. And what we love is each other.
Sometimes people on the outside look at us and think they understand what makes us tick or what defines our boundaries. The reality is no one can tell us what works for us except us.
There was a woman once who wanted nothing more than to have Joe in her life. I recognized her longing from the beginning and finally advised him to befriend her. I thought if she understood who he was and what he wanted, she would realize he's exactly where he wants to be. "She'll learn something," I said, "and be a better person because of it."
It wasn't a friend she wanted. She wanted it all. She wanted him as confidant. She wanted him as father. She wanted him as lover. She did strange things to convince him to need her. She tried to make him a liar and conniver, two things sure to disgust him.
Example? She once walked him through the process of changing his passwords. The email or text said, "I would like to send you private messages and here's how you can do it!" He texted me, asking, "Why would she want this?" He never changed his password. He never had anything to hide.
The very characteristics that made her want him were the same ones that made me believe in him. He's true. He's committed. He's honorable.
When we struggle or hurt each other, I always remember what Joe's mom said to me long, long ago. "His love is true and abiding. Trust in it." Joe and I may speak different love languages, but I believe and rest in the depth of his commitment.