My Light Bright

Remember playing with LITE-BRITE?

For several years, I engaged myself in BIG holiday projects.

One year my friends and I recorded a CD of our Christmas favorites.  16 of them, I think.  The next year I wrote a Christmas show, Welcome Heaven's Light, using that music.  We performed WHL a couple years running, and then I wrote a new show, Journey of the Wise Men, I think it was called, a departure from previous work in that it had a comic twist made possible by the Wise Men.  The last concert I wrote was a reworking of the original, and I called it Touching Wonder.  In the meantime, I wrote a non-Christmas show, The Feast, to celebrate the gift of good marriages, and a couple other small shows.  The five of us also recorded more music, some of it original. 

I often describe my history in terms of the elements of light I recall.  These years of music were light bright.  Energetic.  Creative.  Dynamic.  I felt like I could achieve anything.

I find it easy to be creative when the world is light bright. 

For me, it's impossible to create when darkness falls.

And darkness fell slowly, but in a big way.  I guess it all began in January 2008 and decisively ended September 25.  In The Inferno Dante expresses a similar experience in his life, and it is so beautiful in the original Italian:

Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
mi ritrovai per una selva oscura,
ché la diritta via era smarrita.

(A gloss for those non-Italians... Nel mezzo ... in the middle / del cammin ... of the path (commonly used figuratively) / di nostra vita ... of our life / mi ritrovai ... I found myself / per una selva oscura ... in a dark wood / ché la diritta via ... for the direct/straight way / era smarrita. ... was lost.)

So I was lost.  Floundering.  Trying to find my way back to my path.  I lost trust in others.  I lost my sense of belonging.  I lost the energy to create. 

I, in fact, lost myself.

In trying to find where I belonged, I made mistakes.  I listened to well-intentioned friends.  I drove away other friends.  Worse, maybe, I stopped making new friends.

And then little rays of light started to shine. 

I successfully completed my triathalon.  I'm strong. 

I created a new music group with Rachel and Brittney, girls I've accompanied for a decade.  I make good opportunities for young people.

I taught my staff new tasks, trusting them to do important things; they have lightened my daily burden immensely.  I'm able to trust others.

I went back to school.  My brain is on fire.

I made new friends and reconnected with old friends.  I love deeply and generously.

I applied to a study abroad program and am going to Spain in January.  I'm courageous. 

I accepted a position managing a new Christmas production with new people and in a new place.  I make things happen.

I wrote a new Christmas offering for the teen choir I accompany and the girls and director are excited to perform it in December.  I'm creating.  Creating!

And you know, the world is again light bright.  I can achieve anything.

Praise God.