Friday, October 17, 2014

On Independence...

I have done the most amazing things over the last several weeks.

I packed up my dark red and brown bedding and linens and replaced them with soft and lovely blues and yellows.  

Then I found a blue curtain with soft yellows and thought it was perfect.  So I put it up on the window that used to be covered with a Mexican blanket.  Win!

After that I went crazy!  To date I have:

  • Updated and fixed my internet connection and phone.
  • Blown out the sprinkler system - without being told to do so.  (Weird, right?)
  • Changed filters in everything I could find that had one.
  • Created a word wall of affirming adjectives.
  • Celebrated my new life with friends and made plans to continue doing so.
  • Made new friends!!
  • Changed lightbulbs - which I have not done in the twenty years I lived in this home.
  • Successfully changed a broken light fixture.  BOOOOYA
  • Dated really fun people...
  • Met someone who treats me like a princess.
  • Fed my children and friends new and fabulous foods created and presented with love.
  • Done laundry so efficiently that there is never any lying on the floor - unless Jake is home.
  • Celebrated with my family without mourning the family that no longer exists.
  • Welcomed new members to my family!
  • Cleaned dog hair without sneezing for hours.
  • Fed and exercised my three dogs to their healthy weights.
  • Enjoyed the exuberance of my three dogs who all now believe they are puppies.
  • Shared my home with a renter.
  • Mowed my lawn multiple times.
  • Organized lawn care and weed whipping with someone who is not only kind and caring, but also inexpensive.  He's coming back in the spring!! WOOT WOOT
  • Gone out with a wild and crazy friend to try new and wonderful things - think SEGWAYS!
  • Created a new business that is going to more successful than anything I've ever done in the past.
  • Mended fences with my father.
  • Packed things for my soon-to-be ex-husband with care and love for the person I thought he was.
  • Started to create an app that is REVOLUTIONARY!!!
  • Scrubbed my own floors on my hands and knees.
  • Taken care of the tropical fish I despise because of the expense.
  • Worked on a project for my former job.
  • Continued my journey of self-discovery and self-knowledge.
  • Attended the most amazing meetings and classes intended for people who are struggling.
  • Discovered a new way to fold towels… and just about everything else.  
  • Purchased the most beautiful nighties.
  • Made my bed every single morning so when I walk in later I can have my "ahhhh, I love this space" moment.
  • Found an agent who wants to publish my work.
  • Started writing a new event for an AMAZING group of singers.  
  • Resumed my workout plan.
  • Registered for runs… BIG ones!
  • Made more new friends!!!
  • Found a new relationship with Jesus.
  • Written and documented everything that has happened to me successfully.
  • Burned "The Chat" between my husband and the person who called me her best friend.  
  • Fixed almost every ugly, boy thing in my house and turned it into something creative and lovely.
  • Agreed to give away everything so I can move on to my next new story.
  • Have used my full, sophisticated vocabulary.
  • Watched Christian movies and listened to Christian music non-stop.
  • Attended the most amazing retreat weekend that changed my life.
  • Created scarf central.
  • Sorted and organized my jewelry and discarded the "ugh" stuff.
  • Resumed playing the piano for pleasure - and no one closes a door to shut it out.
  • Started watching class television.
There really is SO much MORE!  

I am not only surviving.  I am thriving.  

And you know?  Although there are moments of surprising self-doubt and fury at the continued manipulation and attempts to control, for the most part, I am sublimely happy.  I am independently managing my entire world - from my work to my home to my family to myself.

Think of it:  sublimely happy.  I love my work, I love my friends, I love my home, I love my children, and I love my God.  And for the first time in my life, I love myself.

Let the praises ring!

PS:  I will add pictures when I figure out the dumb storage thing I did.  God bless technology.  Or maybe.. God bless the technologically challenged.  

Sunday, October 12, 2014

On Shame and Sin

I heard a sermon tonight that resonated with me.  From Joseph Prince Ministries:

From Psalms 69: 19-21
You know my reproach, my shame, and my dishonor;
My adversaries are all before You.
Reproach has broken my heart,
And I am full of heaviness;
I looked for someone to take pity, but there was none;
And for comforters, but I found none.
“[Jesus] chose to die.  When everything was finished, he breathed out his spirit.  I like Matthew’s version.  Matthew’s version says, He dismissed, in the Greek, He dismissed His spirit like a king would dismiss his royal subject.  He dismissed His spirit… and what broke His heart?  Reproach.  Shame.  Our shame.  Our reproach.  We broke his heart.  So how dare you put your head down when the Son of God bore your shame.”

From Isaiah 61:7
Instead of your shame you shall have double honor,
And instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion.
“And the double honor be such that, I’m telling you the truth, folks.  Sometimes there are people that I know about their past and all that, but I can’t remember anymore, and I only know they did something.  But the glory that God put on them, the favor and all that, it’s so overwhelming it swallows up whatever happened in the past.”

Joseph Prince, Ep213: Find True Fulfillment in Life.  First airing 10/6/2014

Ummm, yeah.

In that endless recognition of the synchronicity found in my life, I was also reflecting on the Casting Crowns, Jesus, Friend of Sinners song earlier today.  

Jesus, Friend of sinners
We have strayed so far away
We cut down people in your name
But the sword was never ours to swing.
Jesus, Friend of sinners
The truth's become so hard to see
The world is on their way to you
But they're trippin' over me

Always looking around, but never lookin' up
I'm so double minded
A plank-eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided...

Oh, Jesus, Friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh, Jesus, Friend of sinners
Break our hearts for what breaks Yours!

Jesus, Friend of sinners
The one who's writing in the sand
Make the righteous turn away
And the stones fall from their hands
Help us to remember
We are all the least of these
Let the memory of your mercy
Bring your people to their knees

Nobody knows what we're for only what we're against
When we judge the wounded
But if we put down our signs, crossed over the lines
And loved like You did...

You love every lost cause
You reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame
They're the reason that You came
I was that lost cause
I was the outcast
You died for sinners just like me
Grateful leper at Your feet

Cuz You are good
You are good
And Your love
Endures forever...

Synchronicity.  Serendipity.  It's there.  I know I'll revise this post when it becomes clear exactly what it is that resonates so strongly in my Spirit.

Bless your day,

Sunday, October 5, 2014

On Blessings by God...

In the last several weeks, I have received the most amazing messages.

First, my therapist told me she saw me receive Grace during a day-long retreat she invited me to attend.

After that, people started contacting me in a variety of ways to tell me God told them to pray for me.  By the time I received the third message, I started to really pay attention.   That message came in person when I went to Something More in Clearwater.  The messenger told me that God wanted her to tell me that no matter how many people think I'm going to fail, or expect me to fail, or hope for me to fail, God has big plans for my best success.  

Then last week a man of God told me I have a unique and wonderful way of loving people.  Another man of God told me the Holy Spirit is pouring out of me.  A sister in Christ told me the Holy Spirit told her to pray for me.

Surprising things have been happening, from business successes to the healing of long-damaged relationships to the development of new friendships.  I have been blessed even in the court system.

Today's was probably one of the most amazing of the messages.  Joseph Prince - THE Joseph Prince of Christian ministry fame - contacted me and said God told him to contact me this morning when he was praying.  God wants me to know that He wants to bless me.  I'm letting something evil stand in the way.

There is an Adversary.  He is despised and hated by God.  And he is at work in my life.  One of my dearest friends "comforts" me by reminding me the Adversary never attacks those who are already lost.  No.  His focus is on those filled with the light of Christ.

I am not sure what the messages mean exactly or what I'm supposed to be doing.  I intend to try my best not to stand in the way of the Holy Spirit and to let myself be a conduit for God's work in the world.

In Christ,