Thursday, June 18, 2015

The Next Chapter

Today I signed the papers accepting the offer for my house. Jakob and I will be moving to our new house by July 31st. We are so excited!!

It took 20 days to sell my house, and I trust the next steps to happen as quickly and painlessly as the sale did. There really aren't any hurdles when you follow the path God made; try following your own path and the hurdles will trip you repeatedly! 

I went to our new house today to preparing it for our move. 

I found a bathtub made for people my size...

... A new place for my lovey new bed...

... A space perfect for a new office and dining room...

... A great view from the kitchen...


... And my very own space heater.

Jakob gets his own space too. 

We have a ton of work ahead of us, but the reward is great. This new space is luminescent with a positive, serene energy I embrace every time I visit. 

I keep wondering if I will be sad to leave my home. I think there may be moments of grief - just like with any other loss. But much of what I'm leaving behind no longer exists anyway. 

My home was a place of much love and laughter. My children grew straight and tall here. Their friends were always welcome and enjoyed. My friends and family shared love and laughter in the space I made. 

Then there was last year. 

A year that started with my spouse telling me I was the best wife ever - not because of the beautiful home I made or the wonderful children I raised or even the beautiful spirit I have, but because I let him indulge his darkest fantasies. 

A year in which I discovered his perfidious nature - and that of a once dear friend - when I happened upon their sex toys and pornographic communications.

A year during which I suffered the blackest, most frightening moments of my life and heard my spouse tell me I wasn't worth helping and my father tell me I got what I deserved after my spouse tore my rotator cuff and bruised my body.  

An annus horribilis to be certain! 

I believe walking out my front door for the last time means closing the door on the carnage of a once happy family and looking forward to a beautiful and blessed new chapter, one that I hope to describe next year at this time as my first solo annus mirabilis - a wonderful year. 

In the meantime, I'm thinking about what to take with me. 

I'd love to bring my first EVER flowering clematis...

My sweet non-human babies...

And all the wonderful memories I carry from the last twenty-one years. 

I'm pretty sure I will not be taking the secret stash of stuff my spouse and friend left behind...

That kind of ugly has no place in my next chapter. 


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