Tuesday, July 7, 2015

What Compels Me

What is this mad compulsion to write? And to publish?

Every time I click "publish" I feel a piece of the past falling away. It is a beautiful and celebratory thing EVERY TIME.

This blog is my story.  It is absolutely and beautifully skewed based on what I experienced with my five senses, in the deepest corners of my mind, and spiritually.

For the last year, most of my thought and action and writing have been tempered by the overwhelming confusion and dismay I felt because of my husband's actions, cruel words, and gossip mongering. My story is also defined and shaped by the choices and actions of my former friend, someone I trusted with way more than I ought have. My story is shaped best, though, by the beauty of what has transpired in the last few months.

So why tell this story? The one of my worst behavior, weakest moments, and greatest betrayal?

Because I am compelled to live in truth.  I've always, always said that sin hides in secret, dark, and shame.  And I will not reside in any of those.

I do feel the truth in what many faithful people have told me: Satan attacks what most threatens him. 

My marriage threatened him, because of what outsiders observed.

My work threatened him, because of my compulsion for goodness.

I threatened him, because of my compelling need to be the hands and feet of Christ - and I continue to threaten him for the same reason. 

I've always, always told people that our senses deceive us.  I don't have to say more about that than the following statement:  when we look at the horizon while standing on an ocean beach, it looks like the water falls off the edge of the world; it doesn't.

Know what doesn't deceive us?  Truth.

I am a writer.  I write because I love words.  I love truth.  I love beauty.  How can a heartfelt missive not satisfy all three?

There are other reasons to write too. Expression. Articulation.  Passion.

Though I've lost the link for the following comments, this is what other writers had to say about their own passion for it. The italics and bold font are mine!

Passion is what makes a writer. If you do not have passion for what you are doing, well, you won't be able to write. I write because I want someone to feel something. I write from my experiences, hoping that someone will learn, or feel sad, or happy. -- Dina

Why do I write? That is both an easy and a difficult question, especially if I were to try to explain it to a non writing person. There are several different reason, none of them really connected. My main reason would have to be because I have to....Writing is something that gets into your blood, like a terminal disease you can never entirely get rid of....  I write because I love it. The feeling I get when I finish a book is indescribable, like receiving a much wished for Christmas present. Like I have just climbed Mount Everest. -- Katherine

Why do I write? Because I was born to be a writer. As a child, I spent all my free time reading; escaping into far away places, meeting new people and being the person I wanted to be. That ''escape route" became my lifeline out of a torment of 'real life' and I've always felt I owed it to others and myself, to pay that back. I now try to create places and people and events that can fill that gap for others out there who want to be more than they are or can be. -- Sherry

I write because I like it. I write to relieve stress. I can be someone else when I write. I can solve anything when I write. It makes me think when I write. -- Kay

Because not writing would be like death to me. At seven I already had a clear vision of what my path in life would be: I would be a writer. While my friends played four square (anyone know what that is?) and talked about the next birthday party, I sat in a corner with pen to paper living the life, creating the life that could only be mine in dreams. I was quite a lonely child with severe self-esteem problems and I clung to writing like a life-line - I believed it was the only thing I could do well....Writing is not a hobby for me, not a career. It is a compulsion. the truth is I can't not write. I now have a clearer vision of my future and I know what type of writer I want to be (a journalist), but that seven year old's ambition and enthusiasm is still here, inside me. -- Bianca

I've always been able to write.  I've always been good at it.  I am so thankful it's become a part of my life again.


No comments:

Post a Comment