Friday, September 4, 2015

Writer's Block

Sometimes I hear about people who can't write.

They sit down and the blank sheet of paper in front of them taunts them with its empty whiteness.


I have the opposite problem right now.

There's so much to say and so many topics flooding my mind, I don't even know where to start.

I thought about writing about happy memories of my marriage.  I need to do that for my own sake; it was a good marriage for many years.  For many more years as it started to decline, the good still outweighed the bad.  It was only at the very end, with the advent of she-who-doesn't-deserve-a-name, that the marriage died.

But I don't feel like writing about that. It'll come on a day when my husband isn't vile to me.

I thought about writing about two of the greatest injustices that happened over the last year.  I even scanned the two documents in preparation for writing about the day my husband lied to Wright County deputies because he was afraid to lose his job and the day he lied to the state of Minnesota because he wanted to deny me my right to income.

But I don't feel like writing about that either. There are days I need to write about what has happened and there are days I need to leave the past in the past and the future in the future and just savor the moment.  Today's one of those days.

I thought about writing about all of today's blessings.  I'm not sure why it's happening, but God is pouring blessing over me.  He's sending the right people at the right time.  He's keeping my bank account healthy.  He's making my world colorful and vibrant.

But I don't feel like writing about that.  Those blessings are rolling around in my mind.  I'm still processing and treasuring each thing like a basket full of shiny new toys.

I want to write about a friend I made.

He's a challenging person for many reasons.  He's opinionated and strong-willed.  He's been wounded and wounded others.  He's changing his life for the better every day and managing it well.

He's also kind - but not nice.  He's tolerant and indulgent - but not patronizing.  He's incredibly smart - but not superior.

Over the months he has told me I am "precious cargo" and that I have a "million dollar smile."  He loves my sense of humor and thinks I am beautiful inside and out.  He tells me I matter.  He believes in my future and wants to invest in it.  He is genuinely sorry when he does something insensitive, and he admits when he is wrong.  He listens to me when I talk (until I talk too much).  He tells me he finds peace with me.  

He has never tried to tell me how to talk or how to behave.  He has never hurt me to prove his own strength.  He has never belittled my faith or convictions because he doesn't understand them.

I am constantly perplexed by how this man cherishes me, and I have no idea how to deal with someone who treats me so well.

So.  Know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to savor this moment without thinking about the past or worrying about the future.

And that, my friends, is peace.


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