30 Things I Might Have Said...

1.  You are, in fact, stupid.  Make it work for you.
2.  Try to understand parenting, rather than befriending.
3.  He doesn't want you.
4.  Obsession is a bad thing.
5.  Stop calling that child a bitch.
6.  Work, honey.  Work. 
7.  Don't do it.  Not even for a minute.
8.  Yes, they make you look fat.
9.  I'm not your friend, I'm your _____ (insert wife, parent, child, sister, etc.)
10. You are acting like a slut.  Stop it.
11. Hiding things is the same as lying.
12. Life is not about your pleasure; life is about finding pleasure with and for others.
13. Being mad is okay; getting even isn't.
14. If you were actually smart, you wouldn't have run out of fuel.
15. Accepting something for free means you are a freeloader.
16. There are people smarter than you are.
17. Personality matters.  ALL.  THE.  TIME.
18. Being valuable is about more than being acceptable.
19. You are ridiculous.
20. Stop drinking and spend time with your amazing daughter.
21. You are being too hard on him/her.
22. Cut your hair.  It looks like rotten straw.
23. Get rid of your "friend" because he/she is NOT good for you.
24. Try acting like an adult.
25. Sometimes it's not about YOU.
26. You cannot be the mother AND the father.  Choose one or the other.
27. It's not about what makes you feel good, it's about what's right.
28. What feels good isn't always right.
29. Try to achieve balance despite your passions.
30. Subject yourself to the passions of others; doing so defends against lonliness.

And there you have it.