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Four Letter Words

Posted by Kari Kounkel on December 21, 2010

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Some days, there are not enough four letter words.

The end.

Revisioning

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More on Starting Over

Relapse is common in recovery. In fact, the relapse rate is 40-60%. When I first went to treatment in 2015, I felt so good sober that I could not imagine ever again taking a drink. I was finally free of a toxic marriage and unhealthy work environment. I had a brilliant idea for a new business and was creating a new life for myself, one in which what I wanted and dreamed could be real. The Teen Challenge outpatient group leader and peers referrenced relapse quite often. Wondering why it was such an over-discussed topic, I halfway ignored it and doodled in my notepad. It wasn't until I woke up in jail in early June 2016 that I realized relapse is a real thing, it does happen to most addicts, and it can never be completely unexpected. In fact, there are plenty of warning signs. I was in relapse long before I took a drink. I just lacked the courage to face those things I spent so much time avoiding until it was too late. So then I did the only thing I could do. I started over.

Trace the Thread

There's some unfinished business over on this here blog. On Sober Day #623, I've been thinking about some history, especially in relationship to my family. One recurring thought is this: we were an experiement of hope for our parents. More to come...

It takes courage to wear white. I look at people who do it all day and manage to avoid looking scruffy. I don't have that skill at all. By the time I've left the house, there's already a splotch of something I won't notice until I've already left the driveway. Or a paw print. Or a bunch of dog hair. I realized today that those who avoid looking scruffy aren't keeping their whites any whiter than mine. They're just wearing their splotchy whites with confidence and gusto. I wonder if it isn't the same about our inner selves. I wonder if all those people walking around with confidence aren't hiding a spirit as splotchy as my own.

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Kari Hoglund Kounkel

Four Letter Words

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